Death's Embrace [Weapon 055]

[Wafflztehkitty]

Liberty Undying (may change)
The Fraternity of Neverending Night (banner is a bleeding moon)
上涨的红色星 (The Red Stars Rising)
The Coalition of One People's Republic (Russia, most of Europe, Middle East, China, most of Asia, basically all of America's old enemies.)
The White House

Numbers by the chapter - which section of the book I want it to happen in.

K... So I'm starting to write this out in an utterly different tone. And I'm also seeing that this could make for a really good suspense read in that, from the getgo, I wanted to make it something seriously believable if things went even more funky in the White House.

I know it sounds like I might just be playing the “Big Brother” scenario, but I’m actually changing it quite a bit. The only ones watched are the people that get caught doing anything considered bad. This’ll play in a ton later on as I keep writing ma story. Also, I'm finally starting to see how we could even form a human weapons project; Congress has always had clean and dirty deals, no?

And actually, Thanks to Break, for being, well really the only person to push me on for making a novel. I'm starting to see how easy that'd actually be, considering I don't have individual short stories, but a lot of different ones that I hope to cover throughout. I'm hoping to have something from 30 to 50 "instances" like the two below and make this interesting. I'm really wondering how much I may or may not post, since the internet seems to work out pretty nicely for plagiarism, but I think for now I'ma keep using what feedback I can get.

[1st]Reign of Terror Reborn
Martial order after all troops are taken out of the Middle East. Every person living in America is forced to have a chip implanted into their jugular notch. Any person left untracked is guilty of treason “for endangering the security of society.” Martial order is declared along with Executive Order 22049 for the safety of society, to keep America out of another war. Propaganda is Everywhere. The government says that you live in the freest and safest nation in the world; the people are thinking else wise. Black vans with tinted windows and men armed with .357 and .44 magnums arrive at various homes on a daily basis to extract any “undesirables.” Any non-American expressions of individualism give you one “mark”. You will be watched. A second “mark” from the Centralization Authority’s means you will go to jail for three years. A third “mark” means that you are liable to go to “Correctional Camps” (worked and starved to death) or be murdered in your home.

[1st] Of every bullet in the world…
Congressman Bremly saw the opportunity to shut down the corrupt U.S. government after the assassination. He and a few others are the only people from the old government that attempt to change things from the inside. One of the main people that give the NSCR a means by which to start the GAUSS project.

[2nd] Surfin' Bird
Mass Transit offer from cruise lines and private air companies to lift everybody out of a United States going from levels of disaster, to terror, to heck. Needless to say, the government doesn't much fancy the idea of being forsaken by its people. Sabotage and gunfire ensue.

[1st] A Crow beneath the Murder
Senator Weatherhill attended the speech where President Wihtmore was assassinated. Shortly afterwards, he begins collecting information to become the leader of the new order. Everything goes smooth for the three days that that world held its breath; until Anarchists begin their assault on Washington.

[1st] The Black Widow Massacre
The night immediately before Day 1, numerous husbands are murdered in their beds. Their corpses are collected and then brougt to a location unknown by the Lightstalkers...

[2nd] Heart's Harvest
The Fraternity may be out for more than sacrificial murder. Delta squad discovers the location of a medical facility coated in their inisignias that seems to be experimenting. The Fraternity of Neverending Night actually gets paid by the Ultranationalist (I did rip that from CoD, yes, but it's still generic in scope) to do what they do.They bring them fresh bodies so that both sides can actually work on medical research to developed synthetic human parts, Project Soul Builder. But somewhere in there the government tries to turn on the Fraternity, and the Fraternity sends their assassins and riders of the night to come in and reign ungodly vengeance upon them.

[2nd] Operating Breaking Dawn
Liberty Undying knows that there is an Anarchist camp at the bottom of a valley. They know too that one good strike to it will give them one hundred less enemies to worry about. At 4 AM, they wait on the outskirts, immediately beyond the edge of the hills leading to the valley. One batallion of soldiers, tens of bayonets, and all guns loaded.

[2nd] Midnight Fears: Marauding Son
The Anarchists aren't as dumb as they appear to be. Like everyone else, they've been scouting for enemy positions, and one scout in particular, Drake Raindhod, found what he thinks might be an entrance to an underground base for Liberty Undying...

[2nd] Night of Mercy
Civilian safehouse ops.

[4th] Breaking Sewers
On the third night post assassination, the Anarchists devised a seriously crafty plan. They began their campaign in the night, sweeping from the east coast westward. They killed many a poor soul in their sleep, attacking from the streets, and having sleeper cells in the sewers so as to bring undetected reinforcements into fights.

[Wrath]

I LOVE this idea. It makes one question the fragile and brittle organization we call "government". I would suggest splitting up posted parts in paragraphs. Large bodies of text are a pain to read. Spell check is your friend. ON another note, it seems more proffesional to type out numbers in word form. Plus, it lengthens sentences.

What I like to do is as you have done. Make a skeleton. Get a beginning and an end. Then get to your goal with logically occuring events. I hope you can pull this off Wafflez.

[Wafflztehkitty]

Spellcheck? I looked through and didn't find any errorz. D:

But I will admit too that there were some things I intentionally misspelled for certrain reasons, muwahahaha.

Yeah, what I think I may do to speed this up is, split it into posts that constitute whole segments of the story, like have one for each faction, the tale I want to tell for the faction, a number by the event (1 to 50), then write out lots of events, elaborate them... Dear sweet bajeebus I feel really smart for that. And yeah, I know I'm s'pose to type out numbers in word forms, but that was still all first drafting, quick writes if you would. Gonna do that in the future.

Thanks, and like I said, if you want any help with your write feel free to ask.

In the mean time, I suggest doing what I'm doing once it's not 1 AM.

- Sit down and write out the different warring factions, some of the civilians, organizations, pretty much everyone and everything that will be in your story

- Establish their relationships and see how they'll act. Fighing, allied, neutral nations, merchant nations, just try to figure out who does what when some guys show up. Like the way that I'll let the Anarchists ally with the blood cult if they fight in open daylight, but never elsewhere.

- What I've been doing, while writing make it all the fiction you'd like to see that you Haven't seen. It'll be creative because you are indeed making it yourself, and your ideas are original, but what people love to juice is something that hasn't been done before, Ever. That's how George Lucas made like hundreds of millions of dollars with Star Wars. He did something that made the world look on and go "O.O WHAT DA F'? AWESOME!!!!"

- Also make sure you sit down and physically draw out maps of the places you describe. I need do this myself, as it'll allow for icy smooth transactions from scene to scene. Does everyone fly, swim, boat, drive, or move by underground tunnels like Viet Cong?

[Wafflztehkitty]

So yeah...

I voted this project isn't going to fold. It's been developing for years. But from here on in, this is just going to be my money baby. I've lost all my inspiration to keep it going (namely, some friends abandoned me, I got to get ready to possibly die here in a few years, old habits do indeed die hard), so I think I may well just squeeze out a few more chapters to make this a short, sellable story, then call it a day. Possibly make some character models (dreamer's was a cool one), and that'd be it.

[Wafflztehkitty]

Well, it would be a shame if I didn't visit this thread before 2010.
I was originally thinking about continuing and selling this story one day...
but no more.

December 13th, 2008, I began writing a journal. Not because anyone suggested to do so, but I found for all the times friends let me down, I could write down what was happening, and some day, just maybe I would like someone enough as a friend to let them see what the others haven't. October 6th, 2009, I finished my first 232 page journal. I'm currently 110 pages into my next one and only a couple of months have elapsed...

Death's Embrace was going to be a fictional portrayal of myself and some of my friends, the way us real people would act in an unreal universe, but I found I've simply run out of time. Not out of creativity, but now with a job, a baby niece and nephew, and college soon enough, I find it hard to just get a free hour to sit down and sharpen my knives or talk to people.

However, one day, I do plan to write a book. 18 to 21 is when they say you start filling your mold as an adult. I'm going to keep all these civilian journals, revisit them whenever I get out of the Marine Corps, and see how war really changes you. There have been soldier autobiographies before, but none that were written with how a man thought before the war.

I think the idea is quite fascinating; what do you think?

[Break]

I think it all depends on your priorities. I find that if I don't have time to do something, it's because I've simply chosen to do something else.

I also want to write a book, I'm about 5-10% done actually. The past year I've found difficulty staying true to my original plan, and even sulked over the fact that nothing was happening. But then I realized that I had been practicing 3d modeling, drawing, roleplaying, watched movies/shows, etc...

In your case, you're looking forward to enlisting and collage. That eats up a lot of time. But breath easy, because most famous authors don't get their first book published until they're 35 and have already established a strong carer. Look at Walt Disney. He's a house hold name and he wasn't able to animate full time until his 30-40's. He had to get a real job and work on trains at first.

[Wafflztehkitty]

Priorities do play a good part, yes. I've always spent a lot of time around friends and family, but ever since my niece and nephew were born, I find I spend more time with both, and I'd rather do that than be alone writing. Plus I can write in my journals anywhere; this will let me see who I am, who I will become, and what happened in between.

Plus, since I know I can at least run 6 miles (may take 50min, but it's a start), this summer my training only gets harder. Every morning i get up at 4, run 6 to 10 miles followed by calisthenics, then have breakfast and a shower to start the rest of my day around 7. Plus I got plenty of literature to get down, and I'm perfecting the art of sharpening my knives now so i can use them in civilian world and have an ungodly awesome bayonet in the Corps.

[Wafflztehkitty]

I now find that Death's Embrace was the start of my overactive imagination. Now that I've been off the drugs for a while, I find that normal me thinks up lots of things all the times. If I could sell my stories to people and Hollywood producers, I could get rich just making up stories. I'm thinking about writing them all down and making a book of short, one page stories.

However, you people will know me before I publish my one book. Not sure the title yet, but it's the memoir I've been writing for almost two years. A live recording of how I got over childhood depression, drug addiction, relationship problems, all the shit you find in corny novels but written in my day to day life.

[The Catalyst]

Let's hope it's not crap, if it isn't, I'd like to read it.