My poem... I know its kinda sucks for me... need your opinion and comments..(nice comments,okay??)

I dont have title yet....help me guys. thanks... some words here are shortcut...

 ~

by mio 

 

I know that we're not perfect combination

bcoz I'm shy and you're out-going person

but when we put in action

So, there'll be an attraction

 

we have similarities

like we're not showing our true feelings

even though, we dont understand what it means

let us draw out w/ our dreams

 

I have many questions inside my mind

but only 1 that always remind,

"why are you so kind?"

either sometimes, I commited a mistake

you are still have faith

 

but did you know?

when it snows

my eyes stares at the  window

and I can see ur shadow

 

when time of rain

there's nothing the same

you're crying and i'm just standing

and nothing else to say anything

in my mind, "why are you crying"?

 

I acted so s2pid

didnt say any words

and I didnt prove to you

"how do I really care bout you?"

 

Now, I'm writing a poem for you

but doesnt mean that I'm giving myself

I'm trying to give out evrything

to bring out the meaning

so, hey! I have hand in here, got it?!

 

 

---

Mio id like to know how many Poems you have written. Being that im going to guess your first language is not American. I will not lecture on how the words are some times "un-fitting" in the Poem.

as for names id Title it...

"You and I" or "Regret"

I would Sugest looking for some words to run more Fluid. say your last line in this phraise.

 "I have many questions inside my mind

but only 1 that always remind,

"why are you so kind?"

either sometimes, I commited a mistake

you are still have faith"

And change it to. "Your faith didnt Break" as Break runs more fluent with Mistake... in my opinian you might be able to do this with some other phrais's

I would Recomend spelling out the words instead of useing the numbers aswell =/...

Here is a poem of my own >_>

SMART ASS. 

People like to talk to me, they think I am gul-ible and kind.
I am not so easy I know what your up to , I am not that blind.

I know you think Ive wronged your friend. No need to act, so benign.
your setting me up fore Revenge, why are you waisting Both our time?

She wants me to smoke, He wants me to sin. I just laugh and sip my Coke.
They can say im boring and , they can think that im a "Bloke".

Do not hate me just be cause, im liveing life, like I am
Your just mad you cannot use me, its ok, no one can.

To smart for you yet to dumb for me
I do not get, what I see.

 

---

Theres a hole in the world like a Great black pit and ists filled with people who are filled with ***!.

^Thanks to Eva ^__^ <3

I think Mio is on a hurry, dude!

Hey...Btw your poem , is rockin cool!! >_<

@Mio: I hate you!!

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- Shadows Dont Die -

Ive lived like this for far too long,

The Beginning dont matter, now the ending has gone.

The mess that i leave, both tears and the stains,

You do not feel, as you no longer remain.

 

I live in a world where we use to go,

A world where our love for each other would show,

A world which was only alive in our hearts,

But when one dies, the other falls apart.

 

When does a world survive on memories?

Looks full of life, over-flowing with disease.

The people are hollow, the food has no taste,

A smiling face, so full of Hate.

 

Shadows are there, but cannot exist,

Without the person, they move and twist.

They cannot confort the loss ive sustained,

Theyre only there to show you whos to blame.

 

The Heavens above, and the Hell down below,

Can only witness, my final blow.

What can i do?  Angels no longer fly,

Its finally time, for this Devil To Cry...

 - - - -

What d'ya ladies and gents think? its the first im ever done any poem on any kind of forum, but let me know your thoughts. I wanna know if you guys like it.

:)

---

DID YOU EVER HEAR WHAT I TOLD YOU!?
DID YOU EVER READ WHAT I WROTE YOU!?
DID YOU EVER LISTEN TO WHAT WE PLAYED!?
DID YOU EVER LET IN WHAT THE WORLD SAID!?

DID WE GET THIS FAR JUST TO FEEL YOUR HATE!?
DID WE PLAY TO BECOME ONLY PAWNS IN THE GAME!?
HOW BLIND CAN YOU BE? DONT YOU SEE?
YOU CHOOSE THE LONG ROAD, BUT WE'LL BE WAITING!!

BYE BYE BEAUTIFUL!!!!

For a first-timer that's awesome!!! I really liked it!!! easy to understand...rhymes...not so fancy words yet expressing deep emotions, nice job!

Black Widow:

- Shadows Dont Die -

Ive lived like this for far too long,

The Beginning dont matter, now the ending has gone.

The mess that i leave, both tears and the stains,

You do not feel, as you no longer remain.

 

I live in a world where we use to go,

A world where our love for each other would show,

A world which was only alive in our hearts,

But when one dies, the other falls apart.

 

When does a world survive on memories?

Looks full of life, over-flowing with disease.

The people are hollow, the food has no taste,

A smiling face, so full of Hate.

 

Shadows are there, but cannot exist,

Without the person, they move and twist.

They cannot confort the loss ive sustained,

Theyre only there to show you whos to blame.

 

The Heavens above, and the Hell down below,

Can only witness, my final blow.

What can i do?  Angels no longer fly,

Its finally time, for this Devil To Cry...

 - - - -

What d'ya ladies and gents think? its the first im ever done any poem on any kind of forum, but let me know your thoughts. I wanna know if you guys like it.

:)

It's only your first time? I'm impressed with it. It's for the most part got a great flow, it's a good length also. I liked it

---

[]D [] []V[] []D

Thanks guys, yeah my first time, im glad you all liked it, no doubt ill start  doing a few more.

Thanks for the great comments. :D

---

DID YOU EVER HEAR WHAT I TOLD YOU!?
DID YOU EVER READ WHAT I WROTE YOU!?
DID YOU EVER LISTEN TO WHAT WE PLAYED!?
DID YOU EVER LET IN WHAT THE WORLD SAID!?

DID WE GET THIS FAR JUST TO FEEL YOUR HATE!?
DID WE PLAY TO BECOME ONLY PAWNS IN THE GAME!?
HOW BLIND CAN YOU BE? DONT YOU SEE?
YOU CHOOSE THE LONG ROAD, BUT WE'LL BE WAITING!!

BYE BYE BEAUTIFUL!!!!

devil_dante_:

For a first-timer that's awesome!!! I really liked it!!! easy to understand...rhymes...not so fancy words yet expressing deep emotions, nice job!

i'd have to agree...pretty good for your 1st time...keep up the good work and yuo'll improve in no time...

---

"The sky cries,
The rain has fallen...
The river rises
I drift,i float to eternity..."
-Pearl The Shattered Jewel-


(/)_(/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

vote this BUNNY! for total world domination

Yeah, i hope so. Thanks ladies and Gents.

---

DID YOU EVER HEAR WHAT I TOLD YOU!?
DID YOU EVER READ WHAT I WROTE YOU!?
DID YOU EVER LISTEN TO WHAT WE PLAYED!?
DID YOU EVER LET IN WHAT THE WORLD SAID!?

DID WE GET THIS FAR JUST TO FEEL YOUR HATE!?
DID WE PLAY TO BECOME ONLY PAWNS IN THE GAME!?
HOW BLIND CAN YOU BE? DONT YOU SEE?
YOU CHOOSE THE LONG ROAD, BUT WE'LL BE WAITING!!

BYE BYE BEAUTIFUL!!!!

I will right a poem soon

---

blackhealer:

DevilSin:

Its been a long time but here is my newest poem. I believe yall will love it! ^ ^

Lone Wolf

 

 

I cry out alone, to the moon, to the unknown
I am the lone wolf that cries alone
Standing outside searching for someone
Day in and day out I run, the moon my only companion
I run to find someone, to find somewhere I belong
Time is running out, the night is near, soon enough I will not be here
The hunt begins, their sent in the wind
The hunters are here, for it is not them I fear
It is being like this, being alone, being here is what I fear
I belong in a pack, I belong in a home, I belong anywhere but this unknown
The hunt will begin, some day they will win, but I will not easily give in
I am the stray that will not obey
I am the free that you can not be
I am the one that can not be undone
The hunters have come, they want their fun
The savage game they love to play
They’ll set out food, they bring their fake calls, they whisper of joy and happiness in song
But I know this is a deadly trick
They come out of hiding because their tricks don’t tempt me
They show me what monsters they truly can be
Blood will spill, it’s the thrill of their kill
They call us monsters, they call us fends
But they don’t know that they are these awful beings
Then I felt it, the sharp unbearable pain
They have shot me, they have won their game
As I lay battered and broken, they take nothing as a token
They do not want what they see, only the chase seemed to be
The fun, the thrill, the blood and the kill
That is all they wanted, that is all they gained
Their shadows left my sight, but one hunter remained for this night
Why is it he stood by me?
He is the one that played the game, in fact he is why I suffer from this pain
Why is there tears falling? You’re the one that shot me!
Why is there no happiness? Why is there no glee? Why is sorrow all I see?
He falls to his knees and wraps his arms around me
Why is he saying I’m sorry?
With gentle strokes he pets the blood white fur
Slowly he strokes away the pain till I no longer remain
For so long alone without a home
I am finally no longer alone…

I cry out alone, to the moon, to the unknown
I am the lone wolf that cries alone
Standing outside searching for someone
Day in and day out I run, the moon my only companion
I run to find someone, to find somewhere I belong
Time is running out, the night is near, soon enough I will not be here
The hunt begins, their sent in the wind
The hunters are here, for it is not them I fear
It is being like this, being alone, being here is what I fear
I belong in a pack, I belong in a home, I belong anywhere but this unknown
The hunt will begin, some day they will win, but I will not easily give in
I am the stray that will not obey
I am the free that you can not be
I am the one that can not be undone
The hunters have come, they want their fun
The savage game they love to play
They’ll set out food, they bring their fake calls, they whisper of joy and happiness in song
But I know this is a deadly trick
They come out of hiding because their tricks don’t tempt me
They show me what monsters they truly can be
Blood will spill, it’s the thrill of their kill
They call us monsters, they call us fends
But they don’t know that they are these awful beings
Then I felt it, the sharp unbearable pain
They have shot me, they have won their game
As I lay battered and broken, they take nothing as a token
They do not want what they see, only the chase seemed to be
The fun, the thrill, the blood and the kill
That is all they wanted, that is all they gained
Their shadows left my sight, but one hunter remained for this night
Why is it he stood by me?
He is the one that played the game, in fact he is why I suffer from this pain
Why is there tears falling? You’re the one that shot me!
Why is there no happiness? Why is there no glee? Why is sorrow all I see?
He falls to his knees and wraps his arms around me
Why is he saying I’m sorry?
With gentle strokes he pets the blood white fur
Slowly he strokes away the pain till I no longer remain
For so long alone without a home
I am finally no longer alone…

I cry out alone, to the moon, to the unknown
I am the lone wolf that cries alone
Standing outside searching for someone
Day in and day out I run, the moon my only companion
I run to find someone, to find somewhere I belong
Time is running out, the night is near, soon enough I will not be here
The hunt begins, their sent in the wind
The hunters are here, for it is not them I fear
It is being like this, being alone, being here is what I fear
I belong in a pack, I belong in a home, I belong anywhere but this unknown
The hunt will begin, some day they will win, but I will not easily give in
I am the stray that will not obey
I am the free that you can not be
I am the one that can not be undone
The hunters have come, they want their fun
The savage game they love to play
They’ll set out food, they bring their fake calls, they whisper of joy and happiness in song
But I know this is a deadly trick
They come out of hiding because their tricks don’t tempt me
They show me what monsters they truly can be
Blood will spill, it’s the thrill of their kill
They call us monsters, they call us fends
But they don’t know that they are these awful beings
Then I felt it, the sharp unbearable pain
They have shot me, they have won their game
As I lay battered and broken, they take nothing as a token
They do not want what they see, only the chase seemed to be
The fun, the thrill, the blood and the kill
That is all they wanted, that is all they gained
Their shadows left my sight, but one hunter remained for this night
Why is it he stood by me?
He is the one that played the game, in fact he is why I suffer from this pain
Why is there tears falling? You’re the one that shot me!
Why is there no happiness? Why is there no glee? Why is sorrow all I see?
He falls to his knees and wraps his arms around me
Why is he saying I’m sorry?
With gentle strokes he pets the blood white fur
Slowly he strokes away the pain till I no longer remain
For so long alone without a home
I am finally no longer alone…

omg that was good... i felt for the poor wolf...what's the story behind it..mind if i ask? 

Its about forgiveness. Even though the hunter had shot the wolf and his way of saying sorry was crying and stroking the wolf, in the end the wolf was only happy for the fact that he did not end up dieing alone.

---

I could never ask for more now that I'm with "the one."

I live my life with love and pride

]Hey there! I'm new here and I saw this and was like "OMG?! There are people that write poems" I was so happy to hear that, cause now when I make a new one people will tell me what thay think of them before i enter them to my DA account. ^.^ (WARNING: most of my poems are uber emo like)

Hey you over there
Ever feel like you're alone
Like no matter what
No one was home

Like everything you've tried
The pain would just grow
Like no matter what happened
It hurts inside, I should know

A broken, hurt heart
Like your just really sore
So you ask them the truth
And they say they love you no more

All you can think is
That no good f***ing liar
You end up broken again
Because of their burning fire

Your mind is working faster
thinking "Wake me up right now"
Your gun pointed to your head
And then...POW

It's all over for good
On the ground laying there
No more suffering
But the blood everywhere

---

Who needs ture love when you have cookies!!???!?!?

Red wings Black:

Hey you over there
Ever feel like you're alone
Like no matter what
No one was home

Like everything you've tried
The pain would just grow
Like no matter what happened
It hurts inside, I should know

A broken, hurt heart
Like your just really sore
So you ask them the truth
And they say they love you no more

All you can think is
That no good f***ing liar
You end up broken again
Because of their burning fire

Your mind is working faster
thinking "Wake me up right now"
Your gun pointed to your head
And then...POW

It's all over for good
On the ground laying there
No more suffering
But the blood everywhere

Wow, that IS emo! but it's cool! I like the way you put the rhymes, nice job! I liked that and then...POW part XD it was uber awesome

devil_dante_:

Wow, that IS emo! but it's cool! I like the way you put the rhymes, nice job! I liked that and then...POW part XD it was uber awesome

lol thanks, I'm glad you like it, I have others but I have this weird feeling people would start calling me emo or something.

"Just because i write emo things doesn't make me emo >.<" lol

---

Who needs ture love when you have cookies!!???!?!?

People over use the Term EMO -_-;... IMHO....

ASSASIN RAPTOR FARM... a Guild wars farm poem...

Mooveing out of Rata sum
The ressorection shrins shines like a second sun...

that annoying short Asuran with impeckable grammer
Wants me to fetch him a Left handed sproket spanner

Now aquireing the "Asuran bodyguard"
I slip past the Raptors, threw Ratasums back yard.

Useing Flame Dijin haste
and mooveing with Grace.

to the cold damp cave I arive.

Can I survive?
this Gigantick Tide!?

Of Bountifal Raptor nestleings?

Running along them all.
and pray I dont fall >__<

I luckly activate, my shadowform!
and thoes basterd Raptors corner me in a swarm.

With a Meteor shower
I show them my power

and some bed of coals
I burn into them Holes

But before they can run
I send them home

With a Phionix spell
and all I got... was a Assasin tome -_-...

Back to Rata sum
where I stare at the second sun.

and Rerun my farm...

and although im so bored...
I pray they drop a Elemental sword



A stupid Farm im doing in Guild wars to get a Elemental sword Wich is a Verry rare Item drop XP!!!!....I felt like writeing somthing reeeeally wierd X3

---

Theres a hole in the world like a Great black pit and ists filled with people who are filled with ***!.

^Thanks to Eva ^__^ <3