You know you're a noob when...
Seeing a Shadow causes both you and Dante to wet themselves
Instead of impaling Dante, Alastor cuts Dante's wrist. Repeatedly
Dante almost dodges Lady's rocket
Dante gets evicted from his shop, because you spent all your red orbs on untouchables and holy water and couldn't pay rent
You like Virgil because he's a unique kind of character - silent, deadly, white hair and carrying a big sword