Oric_of_Chaos:

The way you structure the characters is amazing. I mean you've constructed Dante and Vergil perfectly, and what's even more impressive is the way you have Vergil with his more 'romantic' side, a side no one has ever seen, and the way you've constructed him, we can all imagine that to be true (ie despite how unromantic he would seem, you've made it believable), and that in itself is amazing ^__^

This helps.  I think it's pretty obvious that this would be a main concern for this.  I'll continue my thoughts on it after Blue's critique cos he addresses it as well.

Vergil-demon in blue:

Like:

I like your charichter Development, on both Fictinal and Original charichters

Your writeing style (have I beat that nito your head yet >_>.... )

I also Enjoy the importent details you pay to Evrything, but know enoph to just leave some stuff out to the Readers imagination, your descriptions on everythign els can lead th ereaders mind to what it really looks like.

You can keep the pace of a story going, I have yet to be... "-_-;....uuuugh when will this scene eeeeend" with your Fanfic, wich I have doen on a few books... (Obviously, it left me bewildered later in the book for skipping over important detail).

Dislike:

You know, that when I potray Vergil (not saying I do him justice) I make him a hard ass untill its mutch to late lol, I thaught that there Romantic relationship could have waited a bit longer... then again, what els would you fil the pages up with?.

I some times Catch myself Reading your Prievious story's and makeing a Connection. I know you said you Recycle Ideas, and some times its pretty easy to see it >__>.

No, Blue.  You have not beaten it into my head yet that my writing style pwns. XD  Lmfao.  But keep trying, it just might work someday~ lmfao.

Hm, detail is an issue with me too.  Just how much should I put?  I always question it afterwards and go, "-.-; IT'S TOO SHORT DAMNIT."  I don't really do much on it other than read it a million times through over and over to make sure.

That's something I make sure doesn't happen.  At least prevent it from happening to most people.  I'm a big time, heavy reader and if I can't read it, then I know most other people won't.  And I read through my chapters possibly thousands of times before posting.  If that were painfully hard for me, I know it'd be painfully hard for you.


And finally, the big issue.  I'm uberly irked by it all of the time!  Vergil's romance~  Perhaps it could have waited.  I keep second guessing myself with it.  I've literally slammed my head into the desk demanding perfection on this and it still doesn't work. -.-;  I do believe one of the reasons part five took so long was because I was considering going through four and revising it.  Changing the romance parts.  I feel that even if I did make it believable, it probably would not happen that way. :/

Lmfao.  Yep, I believe I've already told you that if I end up not finishing a story and have stopped trying, it ends up in my idea bin where the concepts are picked off and put to work elsewhere. ;P

Okay, maybe I conveyed it wrong. :/  It's not simply what's bad I need to hear.  If there really is nothing bad, point out something good.  What should I delve into?  Are there any ideas of yours that you would like to share?  Is there something you'd like to see happen?  You know, be a part of the work. ;D  Actually, I think Blue already knows about this, a long time ago I made this "Critiue sheet" to make it easier for people to express their feelings on my work.  If you'd like to see that and tell me whether you want to try it out or not, I can show you. :D  Lawlz.  People told me it really helped them figure out what to say and stuff.  Just throwing it out there. ^^

And something I don't think I say enough of; THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANKS. o.o  I feel really selfish asking all this crap of you guys, but I can' help it. >.<  Stupid OCD!  Things need to be peeeerrrrfect. ;___;  Or else Nayeli-me goes insane. Lmfao.  As you've seen. >.> Thankiesthankiesthankies. :]

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Sure, no problem ^_^ If you ever need anything else, don't hesitate to ask ^_^

I can see where your coming from with Vergil, but I think your doing a great job of his 'romantic' side ^_^ And trust me, that's coming from a romantic (for what it's worth XD), so your doing a great job XP But I don't think you brought it in too early, I mean it would've been ok bringing it in later, but it still worked out right ^_^ Plus in a sense, he's not exactly 100% himself anyway with the bond they both have right? Cuz I get the feeling they wouldn't be like that if it wasn't for the bond XP So either way, it's all worked out ^_^

Can't wait for the next part ^_^

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Many thanx to blackhealer for drawing me this ^_^

Blackness covers all I see and all I touch
No feeling of pain just sorrow
My hand loses grip of the sword I held
And I turn to become a true shadow.

(\-M-/) Muah ha ha...Fear the Bunny King!!!
(='.'=)
(")_(")

Aha! ;D Someone catches on!

Would they be that close without the bond?  Well, you never know, really.  He hated her with every fibre of his being when it all started -- cos Vergil can't appreciate the small things in life like that fact that him being alive is a ***ing miracle straight from the ethereal asses of the might-be-Gods themselves...but lets not get too far ahead of ourselves now. >.>;

That's the thing that's going to make it hard to end this story; once the bond is gone, what will happen?  I guess that all depends on what happens during the bond, because it isn't a love spell.  It wasn't meant for them to fall in love, so any feelings of love is strictly them.  The connection of mind, body and spirit is what the bond really does; his life in dependant on hers.  Obviously, because anyone who's read would know.

Now that I've rambled again...have fun with my thoughts! :D  I doooo. Hahaha.

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Vergil: "Where's your motivation?"
Dante: "Right here, baby!" XD~


LET'S DRAW ~ featuring my very own Cherry and Nemiyo.

I had such a hard time with this, but I feel I came out on top. >D  It tried a first version and failed at it and had a panick attack.  After attempting to sleep, I got over my sobbing and got angry.  And thus what you get when Nayeli gets angry; good artwork. :D  Lmfao.

This idea came to me when I rubbed my eye and thought of make-up. xD;  It suddenly slammed into my like a bag of cement and I went, "Aww, kawaii!"  And thus how this pain in my arsch started. x3

Although Nemiyo's arm bothers me -- it is good, though!  I references my own arm length in comparison to my body and his works!  So, if it's bad proportioning, then it's because I'm a freak.  Hahaha.  I had to do the same with Cherry's right arm, too.  I'm so paranoid with proportion.  Lmfao.

I think the flaw in this is Cherry's head might be too big...I don't really know.  It could just be her really poofy hair.  Boy did I enjoy drawing her hair. <3  I always enjoy her hair.  It's so fun.  It's parted differently here because they just woke up. XD  They were getting ready for a photoshoot and got carried away...and that's how they'll be going to the photo shoot, too.  The concepts in this story make it so that no matter what they did, it'd pretty much always suit their theming.  Just give them the right make-up and supplies and they'll do something awesome. ;D

But yea.  Other than that, Namiyo's legs might be off.  They're crossed, so I figured with his butt portion plus the thighs to the knees, it worked with the rest of his body.  It probably just looks funny because you don't see the other part of his leg.  Hehehehe, toes! *wigglesquiggle*

Sooooooo, how'd I do? XD  Not bad for a couple months of artist's block, ne?  Any thoughts will be appreciated...okay, maybe not flaming, but feedback would be just frickin' dandy.

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I think the only thing that makes it look out of Praportion... is he is bigger than her, and some times the eye likes to see them at the same hegth.

If I chop Nemiyo by the hips, and set them side by side, he'd be taller... and I imagine his legs are longer too. :p So he looks pretty tall compaired to her. (wich its how its suposed to be I presume)

Cherry's hand looks a bit big >_o....I dont know.... could be me.... your pictures tend to have a LOT going on in them.

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Theres a hole in the world like a Great black pit and ists filled with people who are filled with ***!.

^Thanks to Eva ^__^ <3

Heeey look, I coloured it. ;]  And had fun doing it too. Hahaha.

And then I did this;


I thought this would be fairly interesting.~

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Awesome pics ^_^ I do have to say that his arm does look a little longer than what is should be, and her head head does look big, but I think it's just her hair ^_^

But other than that I think you did a great job. And what's good it that your pic looks great both black and white and coloured ^_^ I will admit that it seems too colourful, but there's noting wrong with that, I know that's your style XP lol

Oh, and your writing a manga for them if I remember correctly right? How is that going? ^_^

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Many thanx to blackhealer for drawing me this ^_^

Blackness covers all I see and all I touch
No feeling of pain just sorrow
My hand loses grip of the sword I held
And I turn to become a true shadow.

(\-M-/) Muah ha ha...Fear the Bunny King!!!
(='.'=)
(")_(")

xD I think he arm looks big cos he's slouching and sitting. ;D  But, whatev. Sti'll fine haha.

I am indeed. xD  I've been stuck on the first chapter. >.<;  Quite frustrating cos I dunno what should happen. 9__9;

Vergil-demon in blue:

I think the only thing that makes it look out of Praportion... is he is bigger than her, and some times the eye likes to see them at the same hegth.

If I chop Nemiyo by the hips, and set them side by side, he'd be taller... and I imagine his legs are longer too. :p So he looks pretty tall compaired to her. (wich its how its suposed to be I presume)

Cherry's hand looks a bit big >_o....I dont know.... could be me.... your pictures tend to have a LOT going on in them.

Hoooyea.  "Taller" is an understatement. xD  Nemiyo's close to 6' 3", while Cherry barely makes five feet. xD;  In fact, I don't think she even is five feet.  Lmfao.  *too lazy to open folder and profile to find out* Hahaha. xD;

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Thats what I mean!, there praportians look out because they ARE!!!,.... Just not in the way people think... his arm looks to long, because its longer than hers... and is about 3/4 the length of her... but, he's tall and she is short so it looks wierd O.o....no?...

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Theres a hole in the world like a Great black pit and ists filled with people who are filled with ***!.

^Thanks to Eva ^__^ <3

And Nemiyo never lets her rest because of it. xD;

Nemiyo: PFft...short.
Cherry: -.-; Insane, incessant and unnaturally tall FREAK!
Nemiyo: ...^^ You're still short.
Cherry: I'll kill you.
Nemiyo: *hug* Nu-uh. C:
Cherry: LE'GO!
Nemiyo: *squeeze*
Cherry: x.x *choke*

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Only the first chapter? XP lol And here I thought I was bad only being up to Chapter 3 of my story XD lol But seriously your stuck, so that can't be helped ^_^ Where as I'm just lazy >_>' lol

So what have you got planned for them anyway? I mean if you know what's going to basically happen with their story, you can work from there ^_^ Or don't you even know that? I'm sure if you want we could be of some help ^_^

And I agree, if Nemiyo's meant to be that tall, the proportions are definatly off, but still, the pic looks good either way in my opinion XP I'll be interested to hear their story ^_^

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Many thanx to blackhealer for drawing me this ^_^

Blackness covers all I see and all I touch
No feeling of pain just sorrow
My hand loses grip of the sword I held
And I turn to become a true shadow.

(\-M-/) Muah ha ha...Fear the Bunny King!!!
(='.'=)
(")_(")

What I think Blue meant was that because their heights are so different, it only appears to be off when they really aren't.


*gets off lazy ass and opes folder* Let's see...even though it's starting out as a novel, I'll be making it into a manga, which means one plot won't do.  Considering such, I've got a few plots side by side, as well as many sub-plots.  For example, the overall plot is a collaboration project between Cherry and Nemiyo as musicians and artists.  With the exception of the first chapter "Formalities," every chapter is dedicated to a specific colour as the entire porject is "Niji Arkoiris," or "rainbow rainbow"

I've got a document containing the concepts I've brainstormed and almost perfected.  I decided it would be a cool thing to include my own personal style -- like "visual kei," "oshare kei," etc. -- visual obscura.  Can you guess what this might be implying?  But as far as the story goes;

[CENSOURED]
lawlz. data deleted.

Now, what I'm really stuck on is, of course, the beginning.  It's more than safe to say that the beginnings of my stories are always the hardest for me to work through.  Why?  I haven't a clue. o.O;  Perhaps it's the countless ways it could possibly begin and my indecisiveness in the matter -- though, for this, I'm just not seeing any beginning options.

"Formalities" was planned to include how Nemiyo and Cherry met, how Nemiyo found out the family secret and the beginnings of everything; proposition of collaboration, the "conditions" concerning Nemiyo keeping his big mouth shut, etc.  But I'm sure you can see from the contents of this paragraph, I'm being very vague about it.  Because I'm not really sure of the intricate details.  I'm stuck on how Nemiyo finds out, what they would be talking about in reguards to NijiArkoiris, and the altogether filler moments that refine the plots and lay down the characters and the story.

I hope I've explained enough detail to draw a picture for you as to what I've gotten down and what I'm needing help on. >.<;  I will post what little I have of the first chapter, but I'm very hesitant of it because I don't like people seeing my work until I'm done with it.  I strive to achieve perfection too much. >.<;

Any thoughts and ideas and words will be appreciated.  I could really use the help. x.x;  Please and thankies~

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Awesome ^_^ That seems like it'll be a great story, I can't wait till you can finish it ^_^ But I understand your problem. I don't know how much help I can be, but what I do know is that you also need to be able to develop your characters well in the first Chapter (you probably already knew that XP). So I guess you just need to be sure you know what you want to be accomplished in your chapter, and accomplish it in a way that suits the style of the story (ie use humour if neccessary etc.)

If I can think of anything else I'll be sure to post it, but atm, I can't think of much >_> Good luck with it though ^_^

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Many thanx to blackhealer for drawing me this ^_^

Blackness covers all I see and all I touch
No feeling of pain just sorrow
My hand loses grip of the sword I held
And I turn to become a true shadow.

(\-M-/) Muah ha ha...Fear the Bunny King!!!
(='.'=)
(")_(")

Yea, I do plan on this being pretty humourous. :]  Guess we'll see where it goes. o.o  If I ever get through chapter one. >.<;  Thaaankies, still.

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What if Aliens come down from the sky!, And Cherry tells them about there Project, and there all Peace loveing aliens now!...

<_<......WHAT???

 

>_> ok ok, il be good now...

<.< What problems are you really haveing with the begining?, looking at the brief Review on the Chapter you have it all planned out?

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Theres a hole in the world like a Great black pit and ists filled with people who are filled with ***!.

^Thanks to Eva ^__^ <3